Crystal’s Vagina Club have a look at some of our stones

machine blips........ | | | | | | |
my eyes are closed and my eyelids have a tremendous weight on them

i return to the breath
machine blips........ | | | | | | |

machine blips........ | | | | | | |

i must be out of surgery and in the recovery room



someone removed a mask from my face



i can feel the air from the mask flow



i begin to open my eyes and see a clock


they’re definitely done with surgery. i have a vagina now.

i wonder how it went.

How Do You Feel?
thumbs up
We’re Going To Take You Up To Your Room Now.

i continue to breathe

Take The Front And I’ll Push From Behind.
the bed twists and i’m being wheeled out of the room

We’ll See You In Three Weeks
(wait a minute did they fuck up? what kind of complication could exist that they’ll need to see me in a few weeks?)

we’re in the elevator and one of the nurses bonks the side of the bed on the door
Come On Man.
the two nurses give each other a stare.

we go up.
the door opens and i’m wheeled into my room

Here She Comes! It’s A Newborn Baby!
my partner, my dad, and my step mom are in the room. i wave and give a thumbs up.
the TV is on CNN but i’m too out of it to change the channel or ask someone to turn off the damn TV. my dad is talking on the phone with someone and my step mom is on her phone.

the nurse comes to my side
How Do You Feel?
i’m feel okay a little foggy and some pain that feels like tightness 

my voice is terribly raspy

Okay, Let Us Know If The Pain Gets Really Bad. Right Now We Just Have You On Tylenol And Motrin. If The Pain Gets To A Point Where You Can’t Focus On Anything Else Then We Can Give You Something More.


You Can Use These Buttons Here To Adjust The Tilt Of The Bed. Just Make Sure You Don’t Go Higher Than 30 Degrees.


Use This Red Button To Call A Nurse In. We’ll Be In And Out To Give You Medications, Empty Your Catheter Bag, and Give You Meals.


Right Now You Have A Wound Vac That’s Responsible For That Pulling Sensation You’re Feeling And A Foley Catheter That You’ll Urinate Into And Leg Compressors That Help Prevent Blood Clots.


Here’s A Breathing Device. Take 10 Deep Breaths Every Hour To Help Prevent Pneumonia. Make Sure You Get To The 2000 Mark.

okay great thanks for your help.
the device is a plastic tube with markers on it and numbers. i take a few breaths a small plastic ball goes up a few times and put it on my hospital tray.

she leaves and it’s just the four of us in the room with the CNN TV on.


so this is what my dad came out for: to hang out with me while I’m laid up in the hospital. he’s sitting in the corner of the large hospital room. there’s a table a couple chairs around it along with a row of chairs in front of my bed. that should fit everyone once they’re all here.

i’m glad he’s here with me.

Have You Heard From Your Mom?
she hasn’t texted me yet i think they’re still flying in or checking in at their hotel.
my mom flew out of San Diego this morning to be here with me for the surgery. i wiggle my toes and i have those silly hospital booties on when i got admitted for surgery. it’s warm underneath the hospital blankets

a few hours pass and a few nurses come in to check my vitals give me a shot and give me my pain medication.

We’re Giving You Heparin, It’s A Blood Thinner. It Comes In A Shot Do You Have A Leg That You Prefer? 
lets do the left side
they give me the shot and a stool softener pill.
Do You Take Your Estrogen Sublinguially?
yeah i just figured that one out so let’s do that

my spooky girlfriend said something about getting a better estrogen dose if i dissolve my pills underneath my tounge and she’s really smart so i listen to her when she uses 25 cent words like bioavailability and sublinguial.

the nurses leave and i have my partner play william basinski on my red bluetooth speaker. Disintegration loops starts and my body feels like a heavy liquid smoke with a wound that’s smoldering underneath sutures and tape and black foam and tubes and Marcaine.

nurses come in and out like clockwork and i lose track of the day. some of them look at my vagina that’s covered by tape and black foam and say You Look Great Everything Looks Great and i get excited and slowly become less anxious that something went terribly wrong.


i get my first meal of the day and it’s a weird vegetarian meal with black beans and corn with a salad wrapped in plastic and a vegetable broth soup with a roll. i’ve been downing fluids no problem but the smell of the pungent soup triggers my nausea and i hold back from vomitting a little bit since my last solid meal was at 8am the day before and I’m eating while lying in bed. after that scare i eat slowly and methodically pick at my meal while taking slow deep breaths. about three bites in, someone comes by to take my dinner order so i go with the most boring food on the menu with tofu and brown rice. this is a meal i would cook for myself at home.

my partner leaves to go to a funeral nearby for John Giorno and i’m loving all of the celebration of life and death happening right now. the evening crew rolls in and my spooky girlfriend shows up which makes me really happy. she’s wearing a witch-y kind of hat which is probably a signal to my parents that she really likes black clothing just like i do. this is the first time she meets my parents so they finally see who i’ve been talking about. poly relationships are new to my family and they expectedly have a bad taste in their mouth about having multiple partners having been raised catholic and taking a vow to commit your relationship life to one person. to them, another person adds instability, problems, and jealousy. they were as open to the concept as they could have been with both my mom and dad taking more of a listening role than a judging one when i told them another girlfriend will be there with me at the hospital. 

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my meal shows up and it’s surprisingly more than edible although the brown rice is a little dry which happens. when the nurses examine my vagina, my dad walks to the other side of the room and says A Father Shouldn’t See His Daughter’s Girl Parts which is pretty amazing that he’s starting to call me his daughter for the first time and unprompted at that. more chairs in the room show up and a bit of time passes and my dad leaves and my mom shows up with my two aunts. i start to fall asleep because it’s been a hell of a day and the anasthesia still has a firm hold over me and in between the nurse visits and family i haven’t really had a chance to get any rest throughout the day or close my eyes. it’s not only my vagina’s birthday but also my eldest aunt’s birthday and my mom shows me a photo of the large stack of burgers she had to celebrate. i start to nod off and my mom and aunts leave so i can sleep. 

the room i’m staying in is large and way bigger than the hotel room my dad is staying at. at night the lighting configurations aren’t brutal either with some nice diffuse lighting. most of my life i’m constantly battling overhead lighting as it triggers my family’s legacy of hypertension and makes me feel like i’m on a sephora retail floor. there’s a pull out bed long enough for someone to sleep on overnight so i’m sure i could convince either my spooky girlfriend or my partner to stay with me. my partner comes back from John’s funeral and returns with orange flowers that were blessed by buddhist monks or as John would say The Khenpos. The Khenpos said my partner can return to the hospital with the flowers and now i’m really enjoying mixing the death and life energies of my then-penis and now-vagina.

my partner stays tonight on the foldout couch/daybed. the night crew rolls through and a fast talking new yorker named Candy leads the nursing crew. she lifts up the bed sheet quickly and says YourVaginaLooksGreatBeautifulCongratulations. she says tomorrow i’ll do a short walk so they can change the sheets and get my legs moving again. before she leaves she says LetMeKnowIfYouNeedAnything. You Too.